The Random Number Generator spoke, and the winner is Henry! (I'll send you an email...). Thanks all of you who entered.
Vordak the Incomprehensible: How to Grow Up and Rule the World (Egmont, 2010, middle grade, written by minion Scott Seegert, illustrated by minion John Martin)
Now, I always wanted to be Good--in many ways, I was your typical Victorian pious tot, bandaging the paws of hurt puppies, giving my pocket money to those in need, etc. I never wanted to grow up and be evil and rule the world. Despite that, I found Vordak's guide book more than somewhat amusing. Filled with tips and trick of a fiendish nature (sections of the book include "Building a Top-Notch EVIL Organization" and "SUPERHEROES- Noble Upholders of Justice or Big, Fat, Stupid Jerks?") there is much here (both in the text and in the copious illustrations) that entertains even the good child. As well as the evil child.
Today I have the privilege of welcoming VORDAK HIMSELF to my blog; he has deigned to answer a few of my humble questions.
Me: I was especially struck, in reading your book, by your descriptions of you incomprehensibly evil childhood. Since many readers of your book are children, I'd like to explore that part of your life a bit more. When did you realize you wanted to grow up and rule the world? With regard to parents, yours seem to have been incredibly supportive of your tendency toward evil. But did the fact that you utterly surpassed them cause tension in your relationship? Since most children are burdened with parents who urge them to choose the path of virtue, it seems like they must struggle harder even to be worthy minions to one as evil as yourself. Or do you think it is possible that having to struggle against parental adversaries might actually be good preparation for ruling the world?
Vordak: That is one heck of an opening question! I had to take a break at the midway point to grab a snack. And then again at the end to use the restroom. But I am now refreshed, comfortable, and ready to go! Unfortunately, I don’t remember the question. Hold on…
I first realized I wanted to Rule the World on the day of my birth, when I glanced around the baby-filled nursery and realized the enormous gap in intelligence that existed between myself and the others, doctors included.
My parents, Walter and Irene the Incomprehensible, have always been very supportive of my ambition to Rule the World. I believe they thought I would give them Arizona or Quebec or a chunk of Kazakhstan when I eventually succeeded. But it’s not like Dad wasn’t successful in his own right. He struggled valiantly right up until his retirement to gain unquestioned dominion over the earth. Sure, he rose only as high as mayor of Gomersborough, a small town in central Wisconsin. But he was a VERY EVIL small town mayor and the work ethic and dedication he displayed in his repeated attempts to conquer neighboring towns and villages helped shape me as I was growing up.
As far as other parents go, I think for even the most virtuous of mothers, the thought of being able to adorn the tailgate of their SUV with a “MY CHILD IS THE RULER OF THE WORLD!” bumper sticker would trump any apprehension they might feel about their child being “evil”.
Me: I myself have never had any luck attracting minions. Yet you seem to do this effortlessly. Can you share any tips?
Vordak: Well, you have to have something to offer. In my case, I have MYSELF – the opportunity to occasionally spend time in my presence and bask in my glory. Surely you can see the appeal. I also offer not being dropped via hidden trap door into a vat of molten titanium. I feel it’s important to come at prospective minions from a variety of directions.
Me: So many authors these days are pressured by their publicists to "have an on-line presence." I have visited your excellent blog, and I see that you are tweeting. Do you see this as a distraction from your main business of ultimate evil, or is it the beginning of an evil plan to rule the internet? (here's Vordak's website)
Vordak: Actually, I enjoy spending time on the internet – it lends it itself naturally to my favorite activity, which is talking about Vordak the Incomprehensible. And it was astute of you to point out my blog, which was recently named The Most Jaw-Droppingly, Brain-Meltingly Awesome Blog in the History of the Blogosphere by a panel of seven impartial media experts while being suspended above a tank of underfed piranha.
By the way, I do not “tweet” – I SINISTWEET! There’s a big difference. A “tweet” is the result of some insignificant gastropod or other droning on about his or her mundane existence. A SINISTWEET, on the other hand, alerts the planet to an event of world-wide significance, such as whether my toaster oven is set to “bake” or “broil”.
Me: This might seem banal, but I think my readers will share my curiosity, in as much as one's choice of animal companion (or not) can be very revealing-- Do you have any pets?
Vordak: Why, of course! I have my trusted and loyal canine, Armegeddon, who follows me around everywhere…as long as I’m wearing my pork chop-scented spandex. Then, of course, there is that tank of piranha, but they’re really more threat than pet.
Me: Hard though it might be to write a followup to a book such as yours, do you (or your minions) have any plans to do so?
Vordak: Yes, I have indeed decided to grace civilization with yet another epic tome. But don’t even begin to believe that you are deserving of a synopsis. And why would you think it would be difficult to write? I didn’t even try very hard on the first one and just look how that turned out!
Me: And finally, I was wondering what happened to your nose. (If this is too cheeky, please disregard!)
Vordak: What happened to my nose?! It’s right there, between and somewhat below my eyes! Just because something is not obvious doesn’t mean it isn’t there. As is the case with your intelligence, it appears.
Thank you so much, Vordak, for visiting my unworthy blog!
I have an extra copy of this magnificent opus of evil to bestow on a lucky reader--just leave a comment (preferably one in which you confess to an Evil Deed of your own) to enter! (ends on Monday at midnight).
(disclaimer: review copy received from the publisher)